Why expecting less of myself made me a happier mom

Do less, expect less, mama

I often have rich internal dialogues where the ambitious, wants-it-all part of me talks to the overwhelmed mother part. I can hear them presenting their sides,

“We have to move faster, there isn't enough time and we have so much to do! I want to squeeze in a trip to the bakery before judo practice, hurry up!” 

Then the other voice, 

“I am really tired. Can we just skip it all and stay home? I need a nap!”

I have tried listening to both of these voices and the truth is that neither of them are really helpful. The first is overzealous, tense, and the second is deflated. Both are rather negative and don´t leave me feeling calm and empowered (my ideal inner state). After almost 9 years of mothering, I have now started practicing another way: lowering my expectations, and softening into the wildness that is motherhood.

Instead of trying to squeeze so much in, putting loads of pressure on myself and the kids to be perfectly on time and eat the most wholesome snack, I purposely let release some of the pressure. I tell myself to expect less. We can arrive a few minutes late once in a while, especially when my youngest son was deeply focused on building his cardboard house and we couldn't get out of the house in time. It is OK. Instead of insisting on getting all the dirty dishes and laundry put away before rushing out in the morning, I do what I can and let the rest wait for later. Yeah, it's less than ideal, but it's necessary to release the pressure gauge and to be a happier mom. 

Once I stopped expecting everything to function at top performance - and embrace the messier, imperfect reality of motherhood - I felt less tense and more joyful, and I am enjoying being a mom more than ever.

I wonder if you have experienced this, too. What happens if you choose to cut one thing out of your schedule, shorten your to-do list, and allow yourself and kids to be a bit late. How does that feel inside? My wish is that all of us can learn to be a little gentler with ourselves during this wild ride of motherhood. Our kids will notice, and no doubt feel grateful. Remember mama, their childhood years are your motherhood years.